Changes to the site...

So, you may have noticed that there are no more pictures on this page.  My attorney called to tell me that the DCFS attorney's are pissed off that I have a website about my daughter up.  Apparantly, they have a policy that kids that are in "the system" cannot have their images or likeness posted on the internet.  So, I was told that I have to take the page down.  Instead of simply removing the blog, because I think it is important for people to know about the injustice that happens so frequently, I have taken down all pictures of my daughter.  Additionally, I have edited every blog post to take out her name.  You will notice lots of XXXs in the blog from now on.  That is in place of my beautiful little girl's name.  I think this is ridiculous.  She is still my daughter.  I believe that i have the right to post her pictures and tell my own story.  BUT, the state of Illinois feels it is necessary to strip me of all of my rights.  I thought there was a 1st ammendment to the constitution, I guess I was wrong. 

I also went through and deleted all comments.  Many people mentioned her name, so I went ahead and deleted them, so I can't get in trouble for that.  UGH!

There isn't anything new to report on the case, really.  I spoke with my attorney, and he is in the process of getting our adjudication hearing scheduled.  Basically, this is a trial in front of a local judge.  She can either say "send XXX home, this is absurd" or she can uphold DCFS's decision to remove her.  Even if she upholds the decision to remove her (known as adjudication), she will most likely leave it up to my caseworker to determine when XXX can come home.  Let's just get this ball rolling.  The past 7 months have been a nightmare, and it is time for me and my entire family to wake up from it!

I'm one proud mamma!

Through all of this nonsense, I keep reminding myself that I am still XXX's mommie! I always will be. I watch her grow and develop daily, and it amazes me. My beautiful daughter is, well, perfect! I love her so much.

This week, she learned something new...she started to crawl! Last Monday was the first time she did it. Last night, I managed to catch it on camera. I thought I'd share my proud mamma moment with you. By the way...how many "shaken babies" are able to crawl at 7 months???? Yeah, I didn't think so! Anyway, here's my princess crawling!!




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It could always be worse...

So, I'm having a really rough day. I'm trying to hold it together, with marginal success. I'm searching for the positive in the situation. Here's what I've come up with...

It could be worse!

It could be worse...if XXX had been placed in a regular foster home, I would only get to see her once a week for two hours. As it is, I see her every day. If I'm not at work, I'm with my baby. I stay until she goes to bed at night. I kiss her before bed and rock her to sleep. I see her smiles and hear her giggles daily.

It could be worse... I still make all parenting decisions. I decided when to start solids, which order to try them in, etc. I decide as much as possible. My parents allow me to do this, yet they don't have to. They made sure I was the first to take her to the park, first to give her a bite of real food, and first to put her in the big girl bath tub.

It could be worse... She could have lasting neurological deficits from her seizures or birth trauma, but she doesn't! She's smart as a whip and exceeding all developmental milestones. She is seizure free. She's healthy and happy.

It could be worse... 4 years ago, my brother and sister in law experienced a loss like no other. My beautiful nephew, Hunter, went to Heaven. He was only 5 months old, when he died from SIDS. Fred and Angie can never snuggle with their baby again. They missed so many milestones. I get to snuggle with XXX tonight. I will see all of her milestones and plan her birthday parties.


Life could be so much worse. Until XXX is home, I am going to try really hard to focus on the positives...and I'll cover my baby girl in lots and lots of kisses!



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The battle continues...

So, I got a call from my caseworker this morning. She looked in the computer and saw that my case was indicated. I'm devastated...but I must keep fighting. I should receive the official letter sometime this week. I just don't understand how they could do this. I don't get it. Apparently, they are not able to see the bigger picture. Birth is an incredibly cruel process to babies. It causes neonatal intracranial hemorrhage. It happens in 1 in 4 vaginal births. Dr. Petrak us a quack! She was wrong with Baby Jacob, and she's wrong with Baby XXXX. I will prove it somehow. It certainly doesn't help that they refuse to allow me a 2nd medical opinion. Ack! I freaking hate this.

I have a call in to my attorney to find out what happens next. I know we will have an opportunity to appeal in front of a judge. Hopefully, she will be able to look at this with open eyes.

So, the battle continues for now. They may have won this battle, but I will win the war!


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My beautiful little girl!

So, I'm laying in bed, and I can't sleep. I keep thinking about everything...and mostly, I'm missing my baby. I was looking through the pictures that I took today, and I was blown away by how beautiful my daughter is! She is so happy, and that all shows through her smile.

Here is my favorite picture from today.


PHOTO HAS BEEN DELETED



I don't think it is possible for someone to be more in love with her baby!

Soon, she'll be home...and snuggling in my arms forever!!

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No news is good news???

There is a saying that goes, "no news is good news.". Im hoping this holds true in my case.

I spoke with my caseworker today. She told me that she has been checking the computer system daily to see whether a decision has been made in my case yet. As of this morning, the status of my case is undetermined. For the past month, it has said "indicated pending approval." Apparently, Valerie recently changed the code. We need it to say "unfounded."

It has now been 11 days since the hearing. I'm hoping that it is taking longer because Valerie is carefully considering all of the evidence. I am thinking that if she thought my case was cut and dry GUILTY that she would have entered an indicated finding right away. Maybe she is contacting all of the doctors, including XXX's pediatrician. Maybe she is actually investigating this...something Gerry never really did.

So, let's keep praying that God gives Valerie a softened heart and an open mind. For now, I'm going to spend the evening snuggling with my beautiful baby girl!


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10 days...

So, today it's been 10 days. 10 days ago, I testified that I have never hurt my daughter. For the past 10 days, I've been sitting on pins and needles...as I'm sure so many others have on my behalf.

She said she would make a decision in 10-14 days. I'm just praying the letter is sitting in my mailbox when I get off work. It is absolutely awful to have to hold my breath every time I check my mail. I'm sure it will only get worse until the letter arrives.

I just keep praying that Valarie can see the whole picture and make a well informed decision. I just want this nightmare behind me. I just want my beautiful daughter to come home!

6 months ago today, the initial Dcfs report was filed. 6 months ago, today, I was told my beautiful newborn had blood in her brain. 6 months ago, my life changed forever. I will never get these 6 months back!!! 6 months is long enough!!!! Send my baby home!!!


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